Things That Don't Matter

Do you ever stop to think before you react to something in a negative way?

Do you ever ask yourself, Does this really, truly matter? If so, why?

If not, you should.

Some people seem to worry too much about things that don't matter. I'd like to use Debbie* as an example.

Debbie planned a picnic for today because the weather forecast she saw on the news yesterday predicted abundant sun. However, to Debbie's dismay, she woke up this morning to heavy rain. Debbie curses the rain and the weatherman who failed to predict it. She spends the day in a bitter mood because her plans were ruined. What Debbie could have done instead was made the best of the rain. She could have had a night in with her friends, watching movies and having drinks. Or, she could have had a cup of hot chocolate while reading a good book. But instead of choosing to see this unpredicted occurrence as an opportunity, she chose to see it as a misfortune. Debbie wasted a beautiful day.

Here is another example.

Debbie has a friend named Rhonda*. The two have been friends for a very long time. Rhonda hits a rough patch in her life and questions her choices thus far. She does a few things that are out of character for her, like switching careers and taking up a new hobby. Whatever it is, Rhonda feels she has lost herself and is attempting to rediscover who she really is. This is a time when she really needs her friend Debbie to support her. But instead, Debbie is judging her. Debbie doesn't agree with the things Rhonda is doing. She thinks Rhonda's new job doesn't fit, her new hobby is (insert negative thought). Debbie can't support Rhonda because she disagrees with the new changes Rhonda is making, even though they don't directly affect her at all. Debbie talks a lot of crap about Rhonda behind Rhonda's back.

I used to be really close with someone like Debbie. She treated me just like Debbie treated Rhonda in example two. I couldn't truly be myself around her, because any little thing I did was a big deal to her. She judged me for small things that didn't affect her at all. She would actually get angry with me over how I was living my life, just because it wasn't how she would do it. I honestly don't know why I put up with it for so long, I guess I just thought that it was my duty as her friend to put up with her negative personality, and to try to convince her to be more positive. A while back, she said some pretty mean things about someone who did something she disagreed with. She wanted me to join her in a slander fest, but I refused. The person in question was also a friend of mine, and nothing she did personally affected either of us in any way. It didn't matter at all. When Debbie accused me of being a bad friend for not going along with her, I decided I'd had enough.

The moral of the story? Don't be like Debbie. Don't keep friends who are like Debbie. People like Debbie will most likely end up with a life only half-full of things that don't matter. Life is way too short to worry about anything that doesn't matter. Surround yourself with people who love, support, and respect you for who you are, and do the same back to them.

Love, respect, acceptance, tolerance, support. These things matter.

*I did not use real names. These people are entirely fictional, created only to give you a clear example.