Saturday, June 7, 2014

Exercising My Right To Say No Doesn't Make Me a Bitch

I'm baaaack! I know I had a little fallout (or a series of fallouts) with this blog. But there is nothing quite like being completely pissed off to get a blogger back at her keyboard.

I'll just cut right to the chase. I was out on business the other day in the company truck. Stopped at a stoplight, I noticed a girl in the passenger seat of the car next to me waving her arms around frantically. She was motioning for me to roll my window down, and I quickly did so. She was smiling at me, and I was in a vehicle clearly marked by the company I work for, so I assumed this had something to do with work.

Wrong. Next thing I know the rear window rolls down, and I see the face of a high-school aged prat with obnoxious sunglasses on. "Give me your number!" He yelled.

I was confused right off the bat. Silly me, I was still thinking this was a work thing, and I was trying to work out whether I should give him the number to my store or the location closest to where I was at the time. He must have caught my hesitation, because he repeated himself. He whipped out his cell and said "You're cute, I wanna call you,"

It finally clicked, and I replied with a quick and polite "Sorry, I'm taken," which is entirely true. I didn't add the part that, being 24 years old, I'm way too old for him. But I often pass for 17 and understood his mistake.

I was completely shocked when I heard him scream the word "Bitch," at me. Being on the job, all I could realistically do was roll up my window and wait for the light to turn green. But that situation really got me thinking, and I fumed about it the whole way back to work.

  • First off, notice the fact that he didn't ask me for my number. He demanded it. Give me your number. Call me an over thinker, but this tells me that he felt entitled to have my number. No matter if I want to give it to him or not.
  • Second, my refusing to give him my number (somehow) makes me a bitch. I had zero interest in ever being contacted by this little brat, and still I am a bitch for saying no. In a VERY polite manner, might I add!
What's even worse was how my coworkers reacted. I don't know if any of you know what I do, but I work at an auto shop, which is obviously a male-dominated industry. I shared my experience with some of them and, to my surprise, the general feedback I received was that I actually was a bitch for refusing to give him my number. Most of them actually thought that the polite option would have been to just acquiesce to his request, regardless of whether I wanted to or not.

This is a prime example of misogyny. Society tells us that a man gets what he wants from a woman, regardless of how she feels about it. She is generally supposed to appease him, because she will be labeled a bitch (or worse, in more severe cases) if she refuses. God forbid she deny a man what he wants!

But imagine the tables being turned. Imagine what a typical woman would do if she had been turned down like he was. Would she obnoxiously scream the word dick at him after being informed that he was taken? Probably not. Why? That's not a socially acceptable response. It's OK if he tells her no. No matter how she feels about the rejection, she'll just have to deal with it. But it's not that way when a male gets rejected, and that's a problem.

This is the reason why American women have a 1 in 4 chance of being raped in their lifetime. This is the reason why men are going on killing sprees because they can't get laid. Many men feel that women owe them attention, or sex, or whatever else it is that they want. Many women are forced into compliance. Many other women submit to this warped concept out of fear (fear of being hurt, fear of social repercussions, etc), which only perpetuates the situation.

Men: I have a right to say no. In fact, I have just as much right to the word no as you do. I don't owe you anything, and exercising my right to say no does NOT make me a bitch. It's not my problem that you feel I owe you something. It's not the problem of any other woman, either (except for maybe your mother, who obviously did a shitty job raising you).

Your inability to handle a very polite rejection with maturity and grace says an awful lot about your character.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Good Things Come to Those Who... What?

 "Good things come to those who wait!"

Didn't we hear this all the time from the adults in our lives since before we can remember? Patience was a virtue, slow and steady wins the race.

This advice never made any sense to me. Although I was often assured that I would understand when I'm older, it seemed like such a (for lack of a better word) backwards way of doing things. How are you supposed to get anything you want if you just sit around and patiently wait for it to happen on its own? Shouldn't you do everything you can to make it happen?

I'm now in my mid 20's, and I'm still hearing this advice! Even so, life has taught me a completely different lesson. I went through my childhood years watching the 'fighters' and 'go-getters' get what they wanted while absolutely nothing happened to me. I eventually caught on and realized that 'slow and steady wins the race' was completely bogus!

Good things don't come to those who wait. They come to those who get off their asses and work for what they want! Waiting for it to fall into your lap will get you nowhere. You'll end up in the same place you started, watching others zoom right past you.

No one is going to accomplish your goals for you. No one is going to hand you anything. You have to get up and get in that race! You won't get anything you don't ask for, so speak up! I wish I would have learned this lesson a lot earlier than I did!

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Is Bad Grammar Trashing Your Credibility?

Use Grammarly's plagiarism check because no two bloggers are alike, unless plagiarism is involved.

 Writing is a skilled trade. 
Not just anyone can pick up a pen and arrange words in a fashion that makes sense and speaks to a number of people at once. It takes skill to write a successful novel, article, or even a blog post!

And developing skill takes practice. Despite what some people may tell you, there is a wrong way to do it. It may come naturally to some, but most of us have to learn the ins and outs of this trade. Proper spelling, punctuation, and grammar seem to be the most troublesome lesson for many.

I've been trolling a lot of blogs and similar content sites lately, looking for something new to add to my reader. I have to admit that I'm a little bit disturbed by the amount of crimes against the English language that I discovered while I was out there!

I don't think people realize just how much those mistakes cost them, especially when they are trying to establish some kind of an expert status in a certain niche. Even if your niche happens to have nothing to do with writing, you still have to write about it well!

Your Writing Mistakes Will Cost You
Say you're doing some research on a subject like how to take care of a reptile. You come across two writers who have a number of articles published on the subject. One of them writes well, using proper spelling and grammar. The other one writes in all lowercase, uses run-on sentences, and consistently uses then and than interchangeably. Who are you going to trust more?

I don't know about you, but trusting anything the latter has to say would make me nervous. Their careless writing technique makes me wonder if they really know what they're talking about, or if they're just some schmuck spouting off a bunch of bull. The former will come across as much more credible to me. Writing well gives off the impression of being well educated, and therefore more likely to have researched the subject before writing about it.

This is why, if you're serious about writing and being successful at it (no matter what your niche may be), it's important to do it well. I know we all have our issues, just like I can never seem to figure out the rules for using commas! But that doesn't mean we have to risk our credibility just because we struggle with spelling or grammar.

Check Yourself!
At the very least, run your text through a spell-checker. With just about every writing platform offering a built in spelling and grammar checker, there is no excuse anymore for excessive errors! Pay attention to the mistakes you make consistently and learn from them.

We all learn and improve as we go, and you won't go anywhere with your writing unless you are consistently learning and getting better. Writing well will play a huge part in setting you apart from those who aren't really taking it seriously, and your credibility will skyrocket.

Has there ever been a time when you've noticed someone's bad grammar or spelling trashing their credibility?

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